STFU by Dan Lyons

Author:Dan Lyons
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Henry Holt and Co.

THE UNBEARABLE POINTLESSNESS OF NAGGING

We might take a lesson from Indigenous cultures, in which, according to Michaeleen Doucleff, a science reporter at National Public Radio, parents have never lost touch with the hands-off approach, and their kids are better off for it. Our kids are growing in a much different kind of world and have different goals and expectations, but Doucleff believes we can learn from the Mayan families in Mexico, the Inuit families above the Arctic Circle, and the Hadzabe families in Tanzania with whom she has spent time. Their kids are happier and better behaved. The parents are calm, laid-back, and effective. They don’t do any nagging, bribing, or yelling. They go out of their way not to tell their kids what to do, nor do they feed them constant praise.

“Next time your child misbehaves … turn your back and walk away,” Doucleff advises in Hunter, Gather, Parent: What Ancient Cultures Can Teach Us About the Lost Art of Raising Happy, Helpful Little Humans. “Same goes for arguments and power struggles. If one starts to brew, close your mouth and walk away.” Arguing with kids teaches them to enjoy arguing. Don’t bargain. Don’t raise your voice. “The next time you feel the urge to ‘teach a lesson,’ skip it. Pull out the tape and cover your mouth. The well-intended point will evaporate in the delivery and the child will carry away feelings residual of worthlessness,” early-childhood educator Vicki Hoefle instructs in Duct Tape Parenting, her manifesto and how-to guide for using undertalking as a parenting skill.

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